For as long as I’ve had friends with boyfriends, I’ve been giving out (solicited) advice about relationships and the opposite sex.
I’ve given countless lectures on jealousy, cheating, breaking up, safe sex, and physical and emotional abuse. I’ve helped friends to let go of crappy boyfriends, taught them to trust good ones, and waded through drama up to my eyeballs. I’ve even had people who aren’t that close to me just suddenly open up, tell me about their problems and ask for advice.
I find it a bit odd that while as an outsider I am quite adept at spotting mistakes and things that people in relationships do not notice are wrong with themselves or their partners. Odd, because my history with men has shown that I, for some reason, cannot do the same for myself.
I’ve dated a boy I wasn’t really into, just to have companionship. I’ve seriously dated a guy who cheated on me, and I still ran after him even after I’d caught him. I’ve dated a married man. I’ve dated a man who hit me. I’ve dated a closeted homosexual. I’ve had flings that ended up breaking my heart.
It must come as no surprise that I pretty much swore off dating a couple of years ago. I can honestly say that I’m happier now than I have ever been in my life. The happiness is less intense, more subdued somehow, but I find it better when it’s not interspersed with bouts of crying, silly spats and fits of jealousy. I’ve also gotten to know myself a lot better.
I had a YM conversation with my recently-engaged best friend just now. I remarked about how much I admire her capacity to compromise with her fiance and that I couldn’t possibly do the same. She in turn remarked about how much she admires my capacity to get through life on my own and that she couldn’t possibly do that.
I guess in the end, people just want and need different things out of life. Yes, sometimes I do get lonely, but when I see the things that my friends have which I don’t (companionship, security, children), I just think about the things I have that they don’t (freedom, independence, individuality).
We all have different priorities. And maybe that’s all just for the best.
