I wrote this email one year ago today.
It was one of the hardest (and best) decisions I’ve ever made.
This was during a very difficult time in my life. I had just come back from a month-long holiday in the Philippines to attend Vida’s wedding, I was feeling homesick from missing my family, isolated from not having any time for my friends, frustrated with my stressful, unfulfilling, unappreciated job and my shockingly abusive boss, and altogether sick of and fed up with life in Dubai.
I had already been serving at Fellowship with the Communications team as a volunteer graphic designer, but I hadn’t really made any real friends there.
Three days before sending this email, I sent one to my best friend:
Translation:
I don’t know, girl, I’m just so unhappy here. This place is killing my spirit. I’m not enjoying my work anymore. Honestly if I weren’t regularly attending church I think I would have gone back home already. Church is my only refuge left. I’m not really that close to anyone here and because my living expenses are so high, I can’t save or I’m just stuck at home so I don’t go out and spend. I feel like my being here is useless, so if I don’t find a new job by August or September I don’t see the point of being here anymore.
The people are terrible. I don’t think I belong anywhere here. I’m tired of this place. I don’t know if it’s worth it anymore.
I was going through another period of depression, something that I was quite familiar with. The good thing was, I knew that my God had the answers to all of the questions that I was screaming from my heart. And like David, I figuratively beat my fists against His chest and asked Him why it seemed as if He had abandoned me.
Why did you bring me here, Lord?! What is Your purpose for me? I don’t understand! I thought Your plans would unfold for me here but I don’t see anything in this godforsaken desert wasteland! I hate it here! Where are You? Help me to see what You want from me!
For 3 days I waited for a reply from Kristine…and from God. Kristine had been busy with her new job in Singapore and couldn’t get back to me.
But God touched my heart.
On June 19, 2014… I, Ruby Redulla, self-proclaimed antisocial, introverted loner, swallowed my pride, summoned up what little courage I had, and sent that email to Mr. and Mrs. Jonathan and Janice Warner, leaders of the Satwa small group, and complete strangers.
That was the day I finally admitted that I needed the support of other people.
Jon replied to me a couple of hours after I sent the email, telling me to come and join them the very next Monday at their flat.
I was terrified while walking up to the door and ringing the bell.
What if they’re weird?
What if I just make a complete fool of myself?
What if they judge me?
Well, as I was happy to find out eventually, they WERE weird. And I DID make a complete fool of myself on a regular basis.
But they NEVER, EVER judged me. And that day was the start of not just one or two beautiful friendships, but hundreds.
It’s hard to believe that was only one year ago. How far we’ve come since then. They’ve moved out of our original 2:42 home in Satwa and into a beautiful flat in Al Furjan…and I’m living with them.
Jonathan and I bonded over deep theological discussions, Monty Python (and other daft movies) and our common tendency to attract minor disasters. Janice and I spend hours and hours talking about everything and nothing, sharing our hopes, dreams, fears, and doubts, and laughing until our high-pitched screeches become unbearably embarrassing to her poor, proper British husband. We listen to each others’ stories. We pray for each other. We spend time just having fun together and being silly.
They’ve become my family in Dubai. Janice’s brothers, Marlu and Luis, are my brothers. And I’ve gained so many other siblings through them: Donna, Aizza, Laarni, Gema, SC, Chuckie, Riza…and little nephews and nieces: Brad, Michael, Zarah, Hannah…and extended family (too many to mention).
They were God’s hands and feet to me, and I know that every painful thing that I had to go through in Dubai before I met them was used to drive me in their direction. God knew exactly what He was doing. The love and acceptance I found in this family have been instrumental in my learning to love and accept others too.
I wonder what would have happened if I hadn’t sent that email. I probably would have left Dubai in August of last year. I probably never would have started working at Fellowship.
But God had better plans.
I am so grateful to Him for leading me to this family.
