I went hiking this morning with a nice Aussie guy I met in Hvar. He asked me about this tattoo (which I got about a month ago, specifically prior to this trip – it’s still healing). I told him it’s a Cebuano word that means “beloved”, in Baybayin script.
“Just waiting for a guy to cover it up with a ring, eh?” he joked. I laughed and told him, “No, it’s a reminder to myself that I don’t need one.”
It was a perfectly pleasant date and we went our separate ways.
In my “real life” back home, I still have people telling me over and over that I’m basically living an immature, incomplete life because I haven’t been married yet and I’m constantly asked why I rarely, if ever, date. It doesn’t matter how hard I work, how much I devote myself to God, my church, my friends, (and my dog) and how I try to live my life as unlimited as possible…I’m still asked, “That’s good…but why aren’t you married yet?”
Solo trips like this can be confusing when I hear that question in my head in times of reflection and silence.
The short answer: I’m not married because I’m not married. Life happened that way. And I’m not going to allow myself to be pressured, or shamed, or rushed into doing it.
The longer answer: I’m not sure. Do I want to date with the possibility of someday *maybe* getting married? Sure! But dating in “real life” seems to have so much undue pressure on it to make things work that the fun of getting to know someone has been dulled somewhat by all the “what ifs”, unrealistic expectations, and by each person trying to put a fake perfect face on, hoping that their crazy doesn’t leak through.
And for that reason, I find it easier to date while traveling: no pressure and no expectations except just having a real human connection. I’ve met mostly nice guys (and a couple of not-so-nice ones). It never leads to marriage, but the conversation is always genuine, candid, and raw.
But the real answer is this: I’m not married because God has given me the gift of singleness. This isn’t some sort of mystical, rare, spiritual thing that requires an advanced level of piety or holiness…it simply means God has willed that I should be single, so I am. I have been blessed with it. Some women are blessed with the gift of marriage and children. And someday I might be blessed with that, but I also might not.
I am blessed to be able to devote so much time to deepening my relationship with God. I am blessed by the freedom to have intimate, platonic relationships with friends from the opposite sex with no fear of jealousy. I am blessed with the ability to make big and small decisions completely on my own, at the drop of a hat. I am blessed.
But in the same way that the blessing of being a wife and mother also comes with its headaches and difficulties and pain, so does the blessing of being single. And they sometimes come at the most inopportune times. Like while I’m trying to put sunblock on my back at the beach. Or sometimes wishing I could share a beautiful experience with someone special. Or I’ll be at the top of a tall mountain, gazing at a majestic, jaw-dropping view and instead of praising the One who has given me so much, I’ll feel a pang of loneliness.
Back home, the enemy uses well-meaning but ignorant people around me to whisper lies all the time. And it’s in these weak moments that those lies come back to taunt me: that I’m not good enough, that I’m not desirable, not beautiful, not loved.
LIES. How can I believe that when the Creator of the universe knows me by name? When I can come to Him anytime and receive the infinite riches of what he’s given me through Jesus? And it has nothing to do with anything I’ve done or the circumference of my waist, or whether my hair looks perfect, but simply because that is who he is.
I don’t need another person’s affirmation. I can rest knowing I am loved because I know the One who IS Love.
