Hello my old heart
How have you been
Are you still there inside my chest?
I’ve been so worried
You’ve been so still
Barely beating at all
Oh, don’t leave me here alone
Don’t tell me that we’ve grown
For having loved a little while
Oh, I don’t want to be alone
I want to find a home
And I want to share it with you
Hello my old heart
It’s been so long
Since I’ve given you away
And every day I add another stone
To the walls I built around you
To keep you safe
Hello my old heart
How have you been?
How is it, being locked away?
Well don’t you worry
In there, you’re safe
And it’s true, you’ll never beat
But you’ll never break
Nothing lasts forever
Some things aren’t meant to be
But you’ll never find the answer
Until you set your old heart free
God often answers prayers in the most unexpected ways.
Many of my friends knew me as one of the most cynical, jaded, and determinedly independent people on earth. I was so afraid of letting down my guard, terrified of being hurt once more.
What not many of them know (although some may have noticed) is that God completely turned my world upside-down this past year and changed me in ways I never thought could be possible.
I was going through another period of depression and I cried out to Him for help. As always, He was faithful to hear.
I loved and I lost, and I got hurt. My worst fears came to life. The process was scary, uncomfortable, confusing, even painful…and I wouldn’t trade it for anything. He opened my heart to possibilities, and my eyes to things that would have gone otherwise unseen. He enabled me to love the way He does…with complete, seemingly foolish recklessness; at the cost of comfort, safety and pride. Loving makes us vulnerable and vulnerability almost always guarantees pain. And yet we are always called to love.
But through it all, I realized God is more than enough. I’m no longer crushed by pain, the way I used to be before I was raised to life with Christ. Was that all I was so afraid of, for almost seven years? Was that the entire reason I allowed my heart to be strangled for so long?
It seems so ridiculous now. Maya Angelou said it best: “Bitterness is like cancer. It eats upon the host.“ God showed me that His way is so much better.
Now I’m just so grateful to have finally been set free by redeeming love. I can’t wait to see what He has prepared for me, in this life and beyond. The future seems so much better, brighter, wider…like I’m perched on the edge of a precipice…wings outstretched and ready to fly.
