I tell people that I have a problem with being touched.
Even with my family and close friends, I’m a little bit standoffish. They know all about me and my “territorial bubble”. For years, I always felt awkward being hugged or held in any way by people I’m not really close to. And don’t get me started on being touched by strangers; I have boxed people out with my elbows on the bus or metro more times than I can count.
I know it’s not just about touching. I have trust issues with people. And for me, touch is something that’s just so intimate and personal that it made me feel violated when anyone would put a hand on me, no matter how innocently.
Lately, though, I feel that God has been tugging on my heartstrings to change this.
Working at Fellowship has opened my world up to so many people in need of love, and to people who have opened their arms to accept and comfort me.
I used to see touch as a way for others to invade my personal space, to take something away from me. And now I see that it’s because I was so caught up in my own wants and needs that I failed to see the bigger picture.
Matthew 25:34-40 says:
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. 35 For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, 36 I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’
37 “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? 38 When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? 39 When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
40 “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
Arms extended to embrace and encourage, hands extended to lift up and help: these are arms and hands used by Christ to reflect His love.
For the past few months, I slowly accepted these arms and hands extended toward me. I finally let go of all the bitterness and resentment from the past, and admitted just how broken I was, despite my facade of strength and self-assuredness.
Yes, I have been hurt and betrayed many times by people I trusted. But I have to turn my eyes away from myself and instead, towards God and the people He has placed around me. And I can’t touch without being touched.
So I’m telling you now: If you see me hugging people I’ve only just met, holding hands with friends, being all cuddly with my co-workers, I haven’t suddenly lost my mind. That’s just Christ’s miraculous work in me.
