Today I was talking to my friend Roxy about how I’ve been feeling a bit choked lately. And as I talked through my emotions, I realized why. Coming back from my holiday has been like going back into a cage, one that I inadvertently built for myself.
While I was in Europe, surrounded by complete strangers, I felt no need for all the pretense. I set aside my carefully constructed facade of what I thought would make other people happy, and simply rested in the freedom of just being myself.
I stopped worrying about what people would think or say, and just wore what I was comfortable in, ate everything I wanted to try, and talked openly and freely with every single person I met.
I simply had fun.
Then I came back and I found myself going back to the same things once again.
I told Roxy that I was tired of always agonizing over whether or not I was doing the right things, pretending to be someone I’m not, and constantly beating myself up, and how liberating it felt just to do things without fear of judgment or failure. “We’ve forgotten how to be childlike in our faith,” Roxy replied.
Matthew 18:3 says,
…and [Jesus] said, “Truly, I say to you, unless you turn and become like children, you will never enter the kingdom of heaven.”
Childlike faith.
That made me think of my Dad (whose birthday it is in a few hours) who used to tell me to jump from the side of the pool into his arms. I never wavered for a moment, completely trusting that my Daddy would catch me as I took a running leap into the water.
Childlike faith doesn’t mean foolishness or naiveté; it means knowing your father’s character well enough to know how much he loves you, and that means he’ll deliver on his promise.
If I can trust my imperfect – while truly awesome – earthly Dad to catch me, why do I sometimes find it so hard to trust my Heavenly Father, who has proven time and time again that He is faithful? Why do I worry so much about pleasing people? Why do I worry so much about staying safe and pain-free?
But I find my faith’s weakness freeing in a way. Any form of faith is validated not by the passion or strength of your faith but by the quality of the object of your faith. You could believe with all your heart in the ability of a leaking life raft to save you and you would still sink. Or you could be terrified while flying but the plane would still hold you in the air.
Childlike faith isn’t necessarily shown by bold confidence, but also in uncertain, humble surrender – to say “God, I don’t know what’s going to happen. I don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. But not my will, but Yours be done.”
And then, take the leap.
As He has proven over the ages,
