I love being single, but I’m not one of those bitter women who tries (and fails) to convince everyone that being single is so much better than being in a relationship or marriage.

Personally, I prefer being single but it’s just because of my priorities in life. Other people with different priorities will prefer having a partner. And that’s okay. Being single and being married are just different, neither is better. Just different.

But to anyone who might be considering solo life by choice, here are some of the realities that come with it, both good and bad, from the perspective of someone who now lives – happily – alone.

Cons:

1. Having no one to share the bills with. Rent, utilities, groceries are all much more manageable when someone is helping you to pay. So unless you’re earning a ton of money, you will end up having to sacrifice a lot of luxuries just for survival. 

2. You have no “default companion” for things like concerts, fun runs, out-of-town trips or beach outings. You will often have to call several different people to see who’s free or go alone. I love solitude but once in a while, when I feel like socializing, it’s a little daunting to pick up the phone.

3. Many married women will hate and distrust you. I think that a lot of insecure females have this idea that we single females in our late twenties or thirties have nothing better to do than sink our fangs and claws into their husbands. 

4. Single people have the added responsibility of taking care of their old age by themselves. You won’t have anyone to take care of you. So if you’re planning to be single for life, have a long-term plan. Save up…a lot! Take care of your health. Exercise and eat healthy. Get good medical insurance. 

5. You have to develop balls of steel because no person is always going to be there to watch you completely fall apart and comfort you on your most horrible days. Oftentimes it is only by prayer to a God who strengthens me that I can push myself to keep going.

6. People (especially people who don’t even know you at all) will constantly tell you that your lifestyle choice is stupid and immature and that you have no idea what you want. They will tell you that you just think that way because you’re young and want to party. Single life does not necessarily equal promiscuity, wild nights and reckless living. I quit partying and drinking a long time ago, and I haven’t even gone on a single date since September 2009. I have a career plan, I work hard, and I have savings. But does that matter to them? Naww. So be prepared to take a LOT of annoying, condescending, unsolicited “wisdom”.

Pros:

1. You don’t have to consider how it will impact your partner or kids when making big, risky life decisions. It took me all of 1 week to decide to move to Dubai when I got the go signal. You can pick up and move house anytime you want. You can stand up to your abusive boss without getting scared that you might get fired and your children’s school fees need to be paid. Major choices are just so much simpler when you don’t have kids or a husband to think about.

2. Absolutely no compromises on your career plans. If you get a job in London or Paris, you don’t have to feel guilty for considering it and no one is holding you back. You don’t have to turn down a promotion because the new position will take too much time away from your family. You can go as fast or as slow as you want on your climb up the ladder without the risk of anyone else suffering for it or putting your relationship in limbo.

3. Absolute control over your home. No one leaving their dirty socks on the floor or rearranging things in a way that you hate. You can choose any color of paint without thinking “Is it too girly?”, You can eat in bed without anyone nagging you and you can gladly clean up the crumbs without anyone saying “I told you so.”

4. Getting to spend as much time as you want with friends – male or female – without anyone complaining or guilt-tripping you. Also, romantic relationships take up so much time. Every time in my life when I had a boyfriend, my friendships always suffered. And if you’re a busy person, you’re obliged to spend what little free time you do have on your significant other. If you spend it with your friends, you either feel guilty for it, or the other person makes you feel guilty. 

5. You are forced to learn to do all kinds of things because no one is going to do it for you. You learn to do it all: laundry, cooking, hemming…as well as plumbing, carpentry and home repairs. You get to exercise by carrying all of your own stuff up the stairs instead of watching your boyfriend or husband do it for you. You learn to find your own way around town because nobody will be there to find and pick you up if you get lost.  You are solely responsible for yourself. Yes, I consider this a pro.

6. Coming home every day with the blissful knowledge that you’re not in for a fight. No matter what time you come home. No matter what a horrible day you’ve had. You can tune everything and everyone out and just relax. Every day! It’s pretty awesome.

What’s right for you may not be what’s right for everyone. The important thing is that you accept the realities that come with whichever life you choose, and be okay with it when someone else chooses differently.