Falling in love is scary.
I don’t know why so many people are impressed by how long I’ve managed to stay single and contented. Because to be honest, being single is easy.
Life’s big decisions are so much easier to make. No one else’s feelings or opinions matter that much. You get to do pretty much whatever you want, whenever you want, however you want.
It’s safe. It’s simple. It’s comfortable. Being single is pretty awesome.
But falling in love is scary. You give so much power to one person, the power to break your heart, hurt you, and leave scars that could take forever to heal.
The name of my blog is “Addicted to Paresthesia”, a metaphor for my journey back to life. I spent so many years being numb, cutting off anything that made me feel…well, pretty much anything except annoyance, bitterness and angst.
Paresthesia is that sensation of “pins and needles”, that uncomfortable pricking feeling in your limbs when they’ve fallen asleep.
God has always used the unpleasant and uncomfortable experiences in my life to hone me into the person He wants me to be. It hasn’t always been rainbows and butterflies but I regret none of the awful things in my past…because now I can tell everyone about how much He has changed my life.
He could have rushed the process, but then I wouldn’t have learned how to wait.
He could have made things so much clearer, but then I wouldn’t have learned how to trust Him.
Things probably aren’t going to get much easier, and I expect things to get much more difficult. But in the end, I know God has the best things in store for me. He has opened up so many doors, and I have no doubt in my mind that He is guiding my every step.
No, the end is nowhere in sight, and sometimes I feel like I have just enough light to see one step in front of me at a time. But I have to trust that the God who holds the lamp will lead me in the right direction if I just choose to follow.
Maybe falling in love is only a scary thought when we put our faith in people. People will fail and disappoint, especially those we choose to love.
But putting my faith in God will never fail, and will never disappoint, no matter what happens…and even when I don’t understand what He’s doing. He is my constant, and my foundation, the rock on which I stand. I can rest in the knowledge that He knows my name, He knows the depths of my heart, and He loved me even before I was born.
So I choose to believe that the impossible is possible.
