I think I’ve been out of the game too long.
I was at a pub with some friends last night and a guy started hitting on me. Old Ruby probably would have shot him down with some sarcastic one-liner that would send him home curled up in bed with flashbacks of his childhood traumas, but I decided to turn him down nicely (gasp!). He was visibly upset, understandable after a blow to his ego like that. But of all the girls in the place, the poor guy chose the absolute worst one to try to pick up – me.
I’d had an interesting conversation with him, and he seemed nice enough. At some point I told him about my faith and how I came to know Jesus. He joked that I was trying to convert him, and I said “When you love someone you just naturally talk about that person a lot!” He had lots of great questions and some insights, but it was clear that we didn’t share similar views, and I just wasn’t attracted to him.
Somehow I find that as my faith walk grows deeper, the things in others that used to attract me – good looks, confidence, and even intelligence – hold less importance, and I find myself attracted to new things: character, integrity, passion, faith, and a visibly deep love for God.
These are things that take a long time to get to know about a person. I think that’s why the idea of dating fills me with disdain. The thought of subjecting myself to one-on-one dinners and coffee dates with strangers who’ve put on their first date masks gives me a headache. Could we skip right to the real stuff, please?
But back to my story…
In hindsight, I probably should have realized that he was flirting right off the bat. Maybe I revealed a little too much about myself, maybe I smiled a little too much and sent the wrong signals. But like I said, I think I’ve been out of the game too long because I didn’t even realize he was interested until he flat-out said “I’m hitting on a beautiful girl right now.”
Let’s be honest, it feels good when someone pays special attention to you and calls you beautiful. It’s been a very long time since anyone’s done that with me, so I was flattered. And I could have enjoyed it longer, could have let him think I was interested just to feed my ego and then leave him hanging.
But I didn’t.
I immediately told him I was the wrong woman. I gently told him thank you, that I wasn’t interested, that he shouldn’t be discouraged from having the guts to make a move, and that I was sure he would find someone much better suited for him.
I saw the smile slip off his face and I felt bad. I felt terrible. I don’t like disappointing people, and I don’t like them thinking of me as a bad person. He stopped talking to me right then. But it was the kindest thing I could have done, and I know it was the right thing to do.
I thought maybe I had been unfair…except that it would have been more unfair for me to give him false expectations. I find that truth in love is always the best way to go.
Often, we would rather hear beautiful lies than face the ugly truth about ourselves. But this is not God’s way. In the words of one of my favorite authors:
