This is getting to be a habit: neglecting my blog for months. My last entry was right as COVID-19 was becoming a big problem in Dubai, a few weeks before the lockdown. I was just about to start a new job and was in a state of uncertainty. I wrote:
I wonder what my life will look like seven years from now. I wonder where He’s going to take me next. But until then, I hold fast to my anchor, my hope, my firm foundation. He is eternal and unchanging, and I can’t wait to see what else He has in store.
Little did I know what was about to come. Never mind seven years, it’s only been less than five months and nothing is how I thought it would be, not for myself nor the rest of the world.
I was asked to stop work after two weeks of working from home. My visa was expiring in June, my plan to start consulting a migration agency for my future was shot, and I used up all my savings and severance just to get a new visa and pay the bills for the last four months, having to scrape money together just to survive.
And yet, in the middle of all this, God remains steadfast. I found comfort and peace not from the many things He’s provided (and He has!), but from His constant presence.
Because I’ve been jobless for the first time in so many years, I’ve been able to spend undistracted quality time in the scriptures. Psalm 119:105 calls His Word “a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.” He doesn’t show me the whole path but gives me just enough to take one step at a time. As I look back, I realize just how far He’s brought me, and I’m grateful for everything I’ve received and learned along the way:
- Provision – just enough of it. I’ve had to tighten my belt and go without any of the little luxuries I’d grown accustomed to over the last few years. And I learned that I can get by on so little. I’ve learned to live more simply.
- Physical health. I thank God for keeping me safe, and for the local government’s efforts to curb the spread of this virus. And on top of that, having all this free time has allowed me to finally work on self-care, which I’d neglected for a long time. I’ve had to stop ordering in food and have time and energy to cook, so I’m eating better, and have been exercising regularly.
- Mental health. I’m so grateful that I still have the opportunity to check in with my counselor once a month over Zoom. I’ve been off medication for 8 months now and having someone to process what’s going on in and around myself has been a Godsend. It’s funny that it’s in the most uncertain and unstable time of my life that my mind feels the healthiest it’s ever been. I still have my normal ups and downs, but for the first time, I feel consistently in control of my own emotions.
- Relationships. Having good friends right down the hall probably contributed to the previous point. I like having my own private space (as most of my friends will attest to!) but it’s been a blessing to have somewhere I can just walk in and be with others too. And just connecting with people on Zoom has been fun and rewarding – it’s funny how being far apart has brought me closer to some people in my life, regardless of where they are. In this, God has even managed to rekindle and restore a relationship I thought was gone forever.
- Faith. I feel like I fluctuate between being absolutely fearful and trusting God completely. Some days I have so little faith. The great thing is that God’s ability isn’t dependent on the size of my faith. He is able to do things that are far beyond anything I can ask or imagine, and He’s already taken care of my biggest problem – my own failures, mistakes, and brokenness. He never promised that things would be easy or comfortable, only that He would be with me through it all.
