Note: I started writing this entry about 5 months ago and never mustered up enough courage to finish it (and I also wanted to check in with another person before I posted it).

After over 12 years of being single – and outspokenly, happily so – I’ve inadvertently found myself in a committed relationship. I’d gone out on a handful of dates over the last few years but was never seriously interested in any of them.

So it’s still a little weird to me when I introduce Jesse as “my boyfriend”. Especially since our relationship is quite unconventional and unlike any I’ve had before, for many reasons.

For one, it’s my first since I committed my life to Christ. I made up my mind a while ago that I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone who wasn’t following the path I was on – and that meant ruling out a significantly large population of eligible men. None of the other dates I went on were with guys who shared my faith, so it never went any further. I was a lot more nervous for my first date with Jesse because I knew he was also a Christian, and therefore, the stakes were much higher. There was potential for a future – and the possibility of heartbreak. But it’s also incredibly rewarding to be able to have challenging conversations about theology, contemporary church culture, and matters of personal faith with the man I’m dating.

It’s also the only relationship I’ve had in my 30s. I like to think I’ve grown and changed a lot since my last one. The romances in my teens and 20s were largely drama-filled, chaotic, and brief. This one is pretty stable and comfortable. At 42, he is the most consistent, uncomplicated guy I’ve ever been with. We’re both old enough to make the term “boyfriend” seem a little weird, but “man-friend” is even worse, so I’m sticking with “boyfriend”. We argue and disagree like most couples, but we’re both mature enough to talk things through, address difficult issues, and still come together despite not agreeing on a lot of things. Having to trust another person is terrifying to me, but I’m learning to feel safe with him.

Our relationship is semi-long-distance, another first for me. He works on a remote site out in the middle of the Abu Dhabi desert, about a 3-hour drive from Dubai. Shortly after we first met, the COVID-19 lockdown happened, and the border between the two emirates was closed. That meant getting to know each other during that time was purely over WhatsApp text messages and Zoom calls, and we became good friends first before we decided to make it “official”. Now, I mainly see him on some weekends or holidays when he can drive up to Dubai, but it works for us – even though I miss him terribly when he’s away.

Lastly, Jesse is on the spectrum (he has high-functioning ASD). Autism runs in my family so it doesn’t really bother me, but it does present some unique challenges in our day-to-day communication and interaction. Although he’s grown a lot in the past year, many times I forget that there are things I take for granted that he really struggles with, like being able to pick up on nonverbal cues, expressing sympathy, or managing frustration. And he’s often bewildered at the sheer range of my emotions, confused by my fascination with fictional stories, and annoyed by my wanting to share things on social media (hopefully he won’t be too annoyed by me posting this, lol).

At the same time, because hints and subtlety just don’t work on or even register with him, it’s helped me to communicate more honestly and frankly. I’ve had to do a lot of research on neurodiverse relationships (in which one partner is neurotypical, and the other on the autism spectrum), join support groups, and challenge my own ways of thinking. Being with him has opened my eyes to such a unique way of seeing the world, forced me to be more patient and understanding, and encouraged me to keep working on my own mental health. And I like to believe that being with me has made him a little bit more sensitive, sociable, and affectionate.

We’re still not sure what the future holds. But for now, I’m just really thankful that despite being so guarded and wary of relationships for so long, we both trusted God enough to give each other a fair shot.